Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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