Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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