He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
