Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
