just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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