How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
