Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
