What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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