I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
