My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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