I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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