Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
