Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
