Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
