"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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