who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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