you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
