I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
