I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
