Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
