My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
