You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm just crazy horny about you
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
