well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
