Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
