Pregnant stripper...not hot.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
