my mouth tastes like poor choices
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
