yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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