This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
