Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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