Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
