matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He shit in the fireplace
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
we should paint friendship bongs
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