The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
