how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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