How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
