nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
