Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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