All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
