My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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