2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
