I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
