I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
