my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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