my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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