we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
