2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
