Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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