She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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