SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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