matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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