worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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