So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
